Inspired by Strategic Family Therapy by Cloe Madanes
Every individual navigates life through a unique lens—what in NLP we call the “Model of the World.” This internal framework determines how we perceive, interpret, and respond to the world around us. It’s shaped by personal experiences, cultural conditioning, relationships, and unconscious decisions made early in life.
Cloe Madanes, a leading figure in the field of Strategic Family Therapy, outlines six fundamental components that shape this model. In this first part of our blog series, we’ll explore two of the most impactful:
- Core Beliefs
- Key Life Decisions
1. Core Beliefs: The Invisible Architects of Reality
We all hold beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. What’s important to recognize is that these beliefs are often adopted unconsciously—passed down by parents, shaped by teachers, and influenced by media and culture.
Some beliefs support our growth. Others limit us profoundly. These limiting beliefs are often rooted in early experiences and reinforced over time. Without awareness, they silently dictate our decisions, relationships, and emotional well-being.
One of the most effective ways to uncover someone’s belief system is through powerful questioning. A simple, yet revealing question is:
“What is life, according to you?”
If someone believes that life is a race, they will likely strive endlessly to stay ahead—seeking validation through grades, income, or achievements, often at the cost of presence and peace. Their fear of “losing” will drive much of their behavior, often unconsciously.
Reflection Exercise:
Pause and ask yourself:
“Life is __________.”
Write down your answer. This single metaphor can unlock significant insights into how you operate in the world.
As NLP practitioners and coaches, we often say:
“Change your story, change your life.”
But equally powerful is this reframe:
“Change your metaphor, and you change your model of the world.”
Whether you see life as a battle, a dance, a gift, or a test—each metaphor shapes how you experience your reality.
2. Key Decisions: The Subconscious Choices that Shape Our Lives
The second major component of our world model is the key decisions we made—often as children—about ourselves, others, and life itself.
These decisions are usually created in response to emotional events and can remain embedded for decades, long after their usefulness has expired.
Cloe Madanes offers a poignant example:
“A man might decide as a boy that ‘boys don’t cry.’ In blocking his tears, he also blocks his vulnerability and sensitivity. Later, when it’s time to connect emotionally with his wife or children, he may find himself unable to do so.”
What once served as a survival mechanism becomes an obstacle to growth and intimacy. These early decisions shape our self-image, emotional expression, relationships, and career paths—often unconsciously.
Reflection Prompt:
- What is a decision you made about yourself or life as a child that still influences you today?
- Does that decision still serve you? Or is it time to let it go?
Using tools like Time Line Therapy®, NLP practitioners can help clients uncover and reframe these outdated decisions, releasing their emotional grip and empowering new possibilities.
Moving Forward
These two components—beliefs and early decisions—are foundational to understanding how we function. By becoming aware of them, we gain the power to reshape our inner world, and consequently, our outer reality.
Questions for Your Journey:
- What is life according to you?
- What key decision did you make early in life that might be holding you back today?
