Most of the time, managers find themselves spending a high percentage of time resolving conflicts. For example, perhaps you have a different view or take on a problem or situation than a friend or colleague – perhaps you both passionately believe something different.
Therefore, on the face of it, there seems to be no meeting of minds? Maybe you get frustrated because you believe that the other person is not considerate of you or others? Perhaps you have a teenager or other family member at home that you seem to be a loggerhead with?
Usually, when it comes to relationships with the people around when you find any conflicts, the question always arises as an argument, i.e., Why don’t they understand me? OR they don’t understand etc. However, the question which needs to be raised here is why can’t we understand or how can we understand?
The logic around this is not so difficult, but it requires awareness. So let’s reflect on a few pointers.
1. People are different and not difficult:
Often, we leave conversations because we feel that the other will not understand, no matter whatever the communication can be. This is just a perception we develop based on our mind-reading and unawareness of the other person’s situation. The question is how to understand?
As an NLP practitioner, I am aware of a few helpful concepts; the most important one is the Perceptual position.
This is a really powerful intervention and a concept where you go and put other people’s shoes in your feet to understand the actual situation happening over there. Perceptual Positions is taking another position outside of the view you may normally hold. For example, if you are having difficulties in a relationship or experiencing a conflict, you can use this technique to step outside of your position and explore other angles.
This technique also plays right into one of the NLP presuppositions ‘the map is not the territory – the map is our interpretation of the territory based on our view of it – the information we have, what we see, hear, and feel (and sometimes we don’t get it right!)
People talk and use linguistics based on their VAK, and this is nothing to debate for what’s right or wrong, but it’s just the concept of how people are formed and programmed internally and how they perceive their understanding with words. If you pay attention and you know exactly how to match and mirror, you will get there where you can end up having a win-win situation.
3. Don’t assume:
When we say it’s not you, it’s the other person’s model when it comes to relationships that we can’t assume on our own. We only need to be mindful of what we are saying and what the person is trying to say. The clarity can be gained by asking the question.
4. Good listening:
Most of the time, conflicts arise when we listen to a reply. So when we listen to a reply, we argue, we don’t acknowledge, and that’s the foundation where we end up the beautiful deal or relationship without having their true joy!!
5. Understand the positive intention:
I believe that people operate from a position of best intent. This may not be obvious at first because people in conflict often drown in detail – the argument will be in detail. What is the higher positive intention on both sides of the argument? What is it that each party is after? Respect? Love? Security? When you understand this, you will be better positioned to form a strategy to resolve the conflict.
6. Practice reflections:
Awareness can be developed by knowing what other people say and what they feel. This can be done when we put ourselves into a situation. Indeed relationships are really important, and that’s the beauty of life. Strong relationships contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life and can make your life worth living. Let’s work more towards building the true essence of a relationship with self and the people around.
In conclusion, conflict is part of our day-to-day lives. You can disagree with your family, friends, or coworkers. But, there are various conflict resolution steps you can embrace to ensure this issue is not manageable. Managing and resolving conflict is important. So, if you have any problems or there are disagreements, you can follow these tips and techniques to learn how to solve conflicts so you can sustain healthy relationships.